I have been so, so anxious the past few weeks. I have lost 3 lbs in two weeks because I have been too anxious to eat. I’ve had sleepless nights. I’ve walked around feeling just plain terrified, and I’m not sure why.
I mean I worry A LOT about all kinds of things…what will happen if the baby is sick and can’t go to daycare (we have no local family), what will happen when it snows and the roads are bad, what will happen if I get to baby’s daycare pickup late due to traffic. I just don’t know why it’s all gotten so unbearable NOW.
I think it may have been set off by the move to baby’s new daycare. The first week, I did drop off and pickup both, and it was awful. I hate, hate, hate doing drop off. I hate the feeling of leaving her there, and I hate the time that it adds to my morning, especially since I’m already trying to go in early so I can get off early because the new daycare closes earlier than the old one and I’m super paranoid that I’ll get stuck in traffic and be late picking her up. It meant getting up extra extra early and I don’t think that the sleep disruption is good for me given my mood issues.
The new day care is the only thing I can think of that has changed. That and our friends visiting from back home. Those are the two things that happened right before it got so bad, and all I can think is that my brain chemistry is still so borked that even just a little stress can set it off.
And I find myself wondering, yet again, will I ever be okay again?