Solids

Baby has started on solids!  Well, rice cereal.  And we’re going to give her some pureed sweet potatoes later today.  She’s growing and changing and experiencing new things, and it is so exciting!  I mean, really exciting.  As in, I feel excited.  I feel excited for her, and I feel excited to be having this parenting experience, and I feel excited, period.  Which is huge after the depression I’ve been through.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to feel excited about much of anything, and about parenting especially.  This transition from who I was before to being a mom has been so, so hard (seriously, I didn’t laugh for the first 2 months of my daughter’s life, and she still gets upset by the sound of my laugh, which I think may be because she’s only heard it so rarely).  I’ve struggled to find joy in parenting, and struggled hard.  So it’s kind of a big deal that I’m excited by this.

And that’s not the only thing that’s getting better.  I feel more solid, more okay, more resilient than I have in a long time.  Like I’m able to take things on and be okay.  I don’t think I’m to where I was before I got sick, and I’m a little scared to even write about it, lest I jinx myself, but I do think that maybe things are starting to be better.  That maybe I’m finally starting to get better.

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